Me: Blah blah blah, bullshit, blah blah? <- Shit I have to say when I answer the phone.
Patient X: Yeah, my ear has blood coming out of it.
Me: *Alarmed* Are you currently in any pain? Any Headaches??
X: No. No pain. It's been bleeding for about 2 hours.
Me: Okay...and you don't have any idea what could have caused it?
X: No. None. There was this tickle in it....
Me: A tickle?
Me: In your ear?
X: I may have scratched it....
Me: You may have?
X: Yes, honestly I don't remember...But I may or may not have scratched it with a toothpick.
Me: A toothpick?!
Me: .... ..... ...... .....
**And now you're calling me, why?? To tell me that your an idiot?? I'm quite aware of that sir, what the hell else can we do for you?**
|That thing on the end of the toothpick? Brain matter. Maybe.|
I am NOT JOKING! This exact conversation took place yesterday. Now, I realize that sometimes there really are tickles in your ears and sometimes you really want to stick something in your ear to scratch it. Please, for the love of Christ, DON'T USE A FUCKING TOOTHPICK!!!
That is all. Carry on.