Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Doctor Can't Fix Stupid

Actual telephone conversation from yesterday:

Me:  Blah blah blah, bullshit, blah blah? <- Shit I have to say when I answer the phone.

Patient X:  Yeah, my ear has blood coming out of it.

Me:  *Alarmed*  Are you currently in any pain? Any Headaches??

X:  No.  No pain.  It's been bleeding for about 2 hours.

Me:  Okay...and you don't have any idea what could have caused it?

X:  No.  None.  There was this tickle in it....

Me:  A tickle?

X:  Yes

Me:  In your ear?

X:  Yes.

Me:  Hmm.....Okay....

X:  I may have scratched it....

Me:  You may have?

X:  Yes, honestly I don't remember...But I may or may not have scratched it with a toothpick.

Me:  A toothpick?!

X:  Maybe...


Me: ....  .....   ......  .....

**And now you're calling me, why??  To tell me that your an idiot?? I'm quite aware of that sir, what the hell else can we do for you?**

That thing on the end of the toothpick?  Brain matter.  Maybe.

I am NOT JOKING!  This exact conversation took place yesterday.  Now, I realize that sometimes there really are tickles in your ears and sometimes you really want to stick something in your ear to scratch it.  Please, for the love of Christ, DON'T USE A FUCKING TOOTHPICK!!!

That is all.  Carry on.

9 comments:

Pablo said...

Things toothpicks are good for:

-cleaning teeth
-looking cool
-including in the movie Rain Man

Things toothpicks are not good for:

-sticking in ear

cara said...

I may or may not have thought that was funny.

Janet NZ said...

I used to do that exact same job!! And, we had people just like that here too! The world is full of munters, but at least we can laugh at them :-)

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Clearly toothpicks need a warning label, like poision or cigarettes.

Or a waiting period like when you buy a gun. Oh no you dont have those in the USA do you? Oh great, this moron you talked to is gonna buy a gun... run for cover people!

Shanna said...

Thank God it was not his asshole that was "tickling".

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

This was hilarious!

I stumbled across your blog and I'm glad I did. Your writing cracks me up.

lifeshighway said...

Or a pencil, or a exacto knife, or a wine opener (that would smart) ...

Very funny cartoon.

CatZilla said...

Thanks everyone!! Glad you all liked it!

emily illinois said...

i honestly wonder how some people are still in the gene pool...you'd think there was a street somewhere they just couldn't make it across, or they somehow drank a bottle of poison or left their oven on and went to bed or tried to make a left hand turn on a red light or any. number. of. things. before they get to the sticking of the toothpick in the ear...