Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Coworkers Want Me Dead

Just a quick note.  Seriously, I will have something cool for you....someday...very....soon...ish.  Kindof.

I walk into the break room today after lunch and there in the middle of the table are 5 packages of sting cheese.  FOR REAL Y'ALL! Someone was giving away STRING CHEESE!! I was totally stoked because, as some of you know, I really really love cheese.  A lot.  So I grab up 4 of them, because I didn't want to seem greedy,  and saunter back to my desk with my prize.

While on the way I pass by a coworker and say, "Hey, free sting cheese in the break room!!"  and hold up one of my sticks, so it looks like I only took one and I'm insinuating that I had left more than one.  Again, so I don't look greedy and/or fat.  She says, "Yeah, they've been there for three days..." What. The. Fuck. And nobody TOLD ME?! "Oh.  Well, if they're still there by the end of the day, I'm going to take the rest..."  Coworker just shrugs.  She doesn't even care about cheese.  What the hell kind of people am I working with?!

I get to my desk and "make it rain" string cheese sticks because....why wouldn't I...and quickly eat 3 of them.  Now, this is after lunch, mind you, so I wasn't actually hungry...I just FUCKING LOVE CHEESE.

Halfway through my fourth stick I notice some bold writing on the packaging, "MUST KEEP REFRIGERATED"

 Slowly my coworker's comments come floating back..."Yeah, they've been there for 3 days..." I stop mid-chew.  Slowly and heartbreakingly (Screw you spell check! That IS a word!) spit the remainder in the trash.  Holy shit, Batman.  These people want me dead.  They know my love for cheese...they knew I couldn't resist...they knew the cheese was ROTTEN!  Bitches.

As of yet, nothing has happened and I feel fine.  But just in case y'all don't hear from me after today, I want you to know why.  Hopefully I'll be talking to y'all soon!


Shanna said...

Eww...yeah...so I saw those sitting there yesterday...I didn't think anyone would take them today. Guess I was wrong. This may cure your "cheese addiction". Hope you do not have any Alli

Janet NZ said...

Maybe the cheese turned into a cure for cancer - all by itself... think 'penicillin'... you probably just cured yourself of EVERYTHING! It's all good :-)

CatZilla said...

Shanna- You could have warned me...Just sayin... ;)

Janet- You are SO right!!! Thank God! I will never have to worry about any disease ever!

I'm Susan Szold. said...

I, for one, rarely pay attention to the need for refrigeration. Cave people didn't have refrigeration and theit string cheese was perfectly fine.

Off to find some cheese now. Cannot see that word written down without going in search of some.

lifeshighway said...

It's Friday so I assume you escaped the plot to remove you via tainted cheese. You have to watch out for bitches, just sayin'

As a rule of thumb, I never eat anything I see left out in the office kitchen.

Pablo said...

Little known fact: Rotten string cheese is the third leading cause of death in the United States, only behind car accidents and Charlie Sheen.

Pablo said...

P.S. the blog is looking snazzy. I like the upgrade.

CatZilla said...

I knew it! I'm still with Janet though, I'm pretty sure I just cured myself of EVERYTHING EVER!
Thanks! ;)