Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Bipolar? No, I'm Bi-Winning.

Best. Quote. Ever, Charlie Sheen.  Best EVER!!

So I have now collected about a zillion Charlie Sheen quotes from the past few days interviews.  Pure awesomeness.  This man has lost his ever lovin MIND!!!  

“Never once, never once. You know, a little bit sideways having not slept, but never, never, never loaded, never drunk, nothing on the set. No, when I step between the lines, it's on and I'm there to show others how it's done. It's not really rocket science, again, you know.”

 “No, I'm not angry, I'm passionate. And that's like everybody thinks I should be like begging for my job back and I'm just going to forewarn them that it's everybody else that's going to be begging me for their job back. I'm a man of my word , so I will finish the TV show . I'll even do season 10, but it's -- at this point because of psychological distress, oh my God, it's three mill an episode, take it or leave it .”

 “I’m tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total freaking rock star from Mars and people can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with the normal brain.”

“I think it was Nails that said, and I was really flattered that he got it right, he might be Nails, but I’m bayonets. I’m battle tested bayonets…”

“I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets, and it’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee … they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, ‘I can’t process it.’

“Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

”I have cleansed myself. I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond, I cured myself… It’s the work of sissies. The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent.”

“Don’t be special, be one of us.’ Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you!”

“Where there were four, there are now three. Good-bye, Brooke, and good luck in your travels; you’re going to need it. Badly … She’s not there now and we are and I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry man, didn’t make the rules. Oops.”"

“I don’t live in the middle anymore, that’s where you get slaughtered, that’s where you get embarrassed in front of the prom queen and I just…it’s just not an option.”

“I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t just perfect and just winning every second, and I’m not just perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn.”

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips”

“I have spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically turning your tin cans into gold.”

“My motto now is ‘You either love or you hate and you must do so violently’”

“We are high priest Vatican assassin Warlocks.  BOOM!  Print that, people!”

“Most of the time- and this includes naps- I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

“People say, ‘You have to work through your resentments.’ Yeah, no, I’m gonna hang on to them and they’re gonna fuel my attack.”

“I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”

“There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”

“You have to hate everyone who is not in your family because they are there to destroy your family.”

“As I said, ‘the first one’s free; the next one goes in yo mouth.”

“Oh, that.  I just do that for extra money, and to satisfy my male need to kill and win.”

“People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”
Stolen from videogum.com

“You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life”

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy”

“You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying, 'Look, you've got to get into rehab, you have to shut it down. You're going to die.”

“If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently. If you infiltrate and try to hurt my family, I will murder you violently”

“I've got three words for him [Colin Farrell]: Am. A. Teur”

“There is such a thing as too much fun. It gets redundant. How many times can you wake up and struggle to remember your name, her name and where you are?”

“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I was disappointed. I think people misinterpret my passion for anger.”

“I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.”

“I just don’t do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”

“Well, I mean, first of all come Wednesday morning they’re gonna rename it Charlie Bros. and not Warner Bros. Duh, winning! It’s, like, guys, IMDB right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.”

“Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed ... She was attacking me, though, with a small fork — like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her; that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.”

““They can’t hang with me, their bones would melt like wax.”

“"Blame the studio for giving me this much dough knowing who they were giving to."

“"Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way."

“White gold? Boom."

"Resentments ... are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."

"Don't do drugs ... that are just supposed to be administered in a hospital at home."

"Aluminum bat? So what, I'm an actor, I don't want to have sore hands."

"Read behind the frickin' hieroglyphics...this is cryptology."

"Did you say Cancun or caboose? I don't know, I was in a blackout, man."

"Every plan I have is the best plan in the room."

"Whatever part I had in this, I sincerely apologize for. Whatever I can fix, I guarantee I will."

You could not make this shit up.  Holy-Crap-Balls.  Talk about your career suicide!  At least he is doing it so publicly for our amusement.


I'm Susan Szold. said...

I honestly cannot ick a favorite. I adore them all.

I never really liked him before all this. Now I love him. Thanksfor that compilation, I may have to print it out.

CatZilla said...

I have to say, the one about the lady attacking him with a small, cocktail fork which must have been stolen from a buffet is my favorite, for sure.

Janet NZ said...

Watching him rant is a cross between not wanting to watch a train-wreck as it happens, and being unable to look away. He is so bonkers it is a wonder his sleeves aren't tied in the back!

Shanna said...

Damn, that mother fucker would fit perfectly in our lunch buddy group. We could gain an R3. We always have room for more, right?

jess said...

okay, i am going to start saying BOOM. after everything i say. BOOM. print that.

seriously. can i please have some of whatever he's on?
oh wait i can't because i'll die and my family will weep over my exploded body.


Pablo said...

The best recap of the Charlie Sheen Show there is. I like the artwork too.

In the words of the venerable Fabolous, you be killin' em.

CatZilla said...

@Shanna- Hell yeah! I bet he would have laughed with us at the girl who fell down the stairs..

@Jess- I agree. BOOOM!!

@Pablo- I only wish I could have come up with that artwork..it's rad. BOOM!

CatZilla said...

Oh, & @ Janet- I agree! It's sort of like watching Jersey Shore. You don't want to watch, but you can't help yourself. It's miraculous that our sociaty is paying these people millions just so we can watch them screw up their lives. I mean..they should pay me that money...I could screw up my life in like..weeks with that kind of money.

But at least we're not feeding people to lions anymore, I guess...