My Coworkers Want Me Dead

Just a quick note.  Seriously, I will have something cool for you....someday...very....soon...ish.  Kindof.

I walk into the break room today after lunch and there in the middle of the table are 5 packages of sting cheese.  FOR REAL Y'ALL! Someone was giving away STRING CHEESE!! I was totally stoked because, as some of you know, I really really love cheese.  A lot.  So I grab up 4 of them, because I didn't want to seem greedy,  and saunter back to my desk with my prize.

While on the way I pass by a coworker and say, "Hey, free sting cheese in the break room!!"  and hold up one of my sticks, so it looks like I only took one and I'm insinuating that I had left more than one.  Again, so I don't look greedy and/or fat.  She says, "Yeah, they've been there for three days..." What. The. Fuck. And nobody TOLD ME?! "Oh.  Well, if they're still there by the end of the day, I'm going to take the rest..."  Coworker just shrugs.  She doesn't even care about cheese.  What the hell kind of people am I working with?!


I get to my desk and "make it rain" string cheese sticks because....why wouldn't I...and quickly eat 3 of them.  Now, this is after lunch, mind you, so I wasn't actually hungry...I just FUCKING LOVE CHEESE.

Halfway through my fourth stick I notice some bold writing on the packaging, "MUST KEEP REFRIGERATED"

 Slowly my coworker's comments come floating back..."Yeah, they've been there for 3 days..." I stop mid-chew.  Slowly and heartbreakingly (Screw you spell check! That IS a word!) spit the remainder in the trash.  Holy shit, Batman.  These people want me dead.  They know my love for cheese...they knew I couldn't resist...they knew the cheese was ROTTEN!  Bitches.

As of yet, nothing has happened and I feel fine.  But just in case y'all don't hear from me after today, I want you to know why.  Hopefully I'll be talking to y'all soon!

Randomness

Hi people.  Ok, just so you know, I'm working on a really fantastic inspirational special post which should be ready to go for tomorrow evening, but in the mean time I just wanted to share some completely unrelated thoughts for the day.

First and foremost I would like to officially blame this crazy winter weather (which will formally be known as "The Great Freeze of 2011") on the arrival of the Packers and the Steelers in Dallas today for the upcoming Super Bowl.  The high tomorrow is to be 15 degrees with a wind chill of 0.  (Zero, y'all!) Also we will be having freezing rain and snow. (SNOW, y'all!!)

Now, I know some of you reading this are used to this kind of weather, (I'm looking at you Susan) but we here in The Great State of Texas are NOT.  We can't handle it, we're not prepared for it and quite frankly we just don't like it! I don't even own a coat thick enough to endure this shit.  Packers, Steelers...hurry up and go home and take your weather with you.  K thanks.

I miss our beatuiful Summer Sunsets!

Second, I received a call the other day at work from a woman whose mother was a patient in our office.  She asked me to have the doctor tell her mother that she is not allowed to eat chips and queso.  Ok, that in itself is a little strange, but by far not the strangest request I have seen.

So I pull up the patient's chart and find out that the lady is 98 years old. Ninety Eight.  Ok, fuck that!  As most of you know, I have a great love for all things cheesy, chips and queso ranking about numero uno on that list. 

You can bet your sweet ass that if I make it to 98, I'll be eating chips and queso for every damn meal if I want to, as well as drinking Maker's Mark directly out of the bottle every day, and there is nothing you or my hypothetical daughter can say about it.  Got it?!

I mean, queso wasn't even INVENTED when this lady was born!!  Let her enjoy it, damnit!!  Am I wrong?? 

That is all.  Carry on.