Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Man Cold

Ah yes, The Man Cold.  Killer of strapping young men worldwide, it is quickly becoming one of the worlds most prolific and contagious viruses, infecting an estimated 20 million men on a daily basis.  There is no cure, there is no vaccine, and it can not be stopped.

Unrelated to The Common Cold, suffered by women and children around the world, The Man Cold has much more severe symptoms including:  Extreme fatigue, excessive use of Kleenex, muscle weakness, inability to lift arms, teary eyes, whining, and a sense of utter despair and hopelessness.

The Man Cold usually occurs when a man's significant other comes down with The Common Cold.  The virus will then mutate when transferred into the man and will then be virtually unstoppable, able to be passed from one man to another, completely annihilating all motor skills and daily functionality until The Man Cold is either overcome, or kills the man.  Mysteriously, though, the virus will always mutate back into The Common Cold when passed back to a woman.

While a woman can still preform daily tasks when she has come down with The Common Cold, such as working, laundry, and cooking, The Man Cold renders it's victims completely useless for the 2-3 days in which the man is affected.  That is, of course, if he lives through the ordeal.

Excessive?  Yes.

There is but one solution to this epidemic that I can propose.  Since we women seem to control when our men become infected, once we notice the slightest symptoms of The Common Cold, we should avoid all contact with all men until every symptom has gone.  To obtain optimal conditions, I suggest women should not go to work, kick out all men, then call other ill feeling women to come over and drink copious amounts of liquor. This "All Female Group Quarantine" should last for at least 4 days, to insure the virus has passed, before coming into contact with any man. Obviously, cooking and laundry will be strictly prohibited during this "Quarantine" as to not needlessly spread this dangerous virus.

We have the power, ladies, to protect our men from this devastating condition.  As a matter of fact, I believe I feel the sniffles coming on...WHO'S BRINGING THE BOOZE?!?!?!?

Sorry Honey, you can't come home.  We're uh....sick.


Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said...

I wonder if any dude buys those tissues specially designed for men.
That would be...classy.

I'm Susan Szold. said...

I am quite familiar with the Man Cold and have witnessed it in excruciating proximity upon more than one occasion. It requires much work on the woman's part and then, of course, is caught by the woman.

You have both described it perfectly as well as coming up with an excellent solution. Brava, Cat, brava!