Sunday, September 18, 2011

No, actually I'm not "showing" yet...I'm just fucking hungry, okay?!?!

Yeah, that's right, I want to eat....again.  And 30 minutes after that, I will want to eat again, so let's just park it at the nearest Golden Corral and spend the day alright?!? 

Honestly, I haven't gained much weight since I've been eating for 2, probably because I have been forced to quit drinking for 4.  Beer has a lot of empty calories you know.  But I am constantly hungry, it's intense.  If I don't get food within a reasonable amount of time, I will cut out the nearest person's kneecaps with a bread knife just to prove a God Damned point. 

This is a maternity shirt, and I need it.
The thing that sucks is I don't look pregnant, I just look like I've been hitting the mashed potatoes a little hard (which I have).  I feel like making myself a shirt that says, "No really, I can eat all these carbs, It's okay, I'm pregnant." That way I people would just give me that, "Ohhhh" look and not the "Holy shit, look at that bitch stuffing her face" look while shielding their child's view.

Also, I have found that eating so much junk, combined with "relaxed digestive system" due to hormones, causes gas.  No, wait "gas" is too nice of a word for it.  My farts would make a trucker blush and have started peeling paint in the more trafficked rooms, like, the kitchen.

But there are a lot of bonuses about being pregnant.  People let me cut in line for the bathroom, I get to fix my plate first, and even complete strangers offer to buy me food when I look hungry (which is all the time).  All I have to do is look longingly at a hotdog vender while rubbing my food baby bump and random people will rush over to get me something.  It's wonderful!  Also, I get to go to bed early and sleep in late and nobody says I'm being lazy.  After all, I'm growing brains and legs and shit, it's hard work! 

So anywho, here is a pic of Baby Dinosaur.  This is my first sonogram when I was about 10 weeks.  I'm 15 weeks now, so I'm sure "he" has his dragon tail and spiky teeth by now.

Head on the left, the little dots are arms and body is on the right with legs curled up in front.

I can't wait until I can feel "her" move around and as I'm typing that I feel like I will someday regret saying that...

1 comment:

"Susan Says..." said...

"After all, I'm growing brains and legs and shit, it's hard work!" That is both an understatement and the quote of the century!

And, when the movement begins, it's a while new level. So wonderful--so exciting--so amazing!

So, eat, sleep, fart and eat some more.

Thanks for sharinf the sonogram photo--I LOVE those things.