Thursday, March 28, 2013

He's growing up without my permission

He’s a year old, y’all!

So yeah, my itty bitty baby, who was never actually itty or bitty, has turned 1! Where does the time go?? It seems like yesterday I was a terrified new mom on her first day home from the hospital with NO CLUE what I was doing. And now he’s 1, so basically next week he will start shaving and the week after that he’s getting married.

Big Dinosaur keeps asking me when he’s going to start talking, like in full sentences and quoting movies or something. Big Dinosaur is rushing the growing up process, and I don't like it. Baby Dinosaur is good at a few words though, Ba-Ba (bottle), Ya-Ya (Bianca), and Daddy. Yeah, not Da-Da, well sometimes just Da-Da, but usually it’s Daddy.

Baby: Daaaaa-dy, Daddy, Daaaaa-dy.
Me: Say Mama
Baby: Daaaa-ddy? Da-da-da-da-da-da, daaaaaa-ddyyyyy?
Me: No, say Ma-Maa.
Baby: Daddy.

But if he's hurt, sad, sleepy, hungry, it's Ma-Ma all the way, so at least I'm needed sometimes.

Daddy's Boy, all the way

Last night he spent an hour “cruising” around the coffee table (cruising is what babies do when they are using the furniture for support while walking), leading me to believe that any day now he won’t need the table any more, and he will simply walk around the room. We already keep the door to the bathroom closed because of his fascination with touching the toilet water. And don’t get me started with the dog food bowl battles. Mobility is a bitch.

"Ohh, don't mind me, just standing here, reading this Birthday Card."

Around the time he started crawling, I saw on Pinterest that you should keep a cabinet in the kitchen unlocked and filled with baby-safe Tupperware that he can pull out and play with to keep him occupied while your cooking. I thought it was a kick-ass idea, so I set one up. There’s a problem though...we now constantly have Tupperware all over our kitchen and living room and sometimes in our bed, and there’s not a single one that isn’t covered with a layer of dog hair or dust or whatever the hell that is, so that I could, ya know, actually put food in it. Have y'all noticed that Pinterest lies a lot? Pinterest is a bitch.

In the past year we have had to take the baby to the hospital twice. Once for an unexplained incident where he turned blue for no damn reason (they literally said, "Sometimes babies just turn blue." Unacceptable.) and then a 3AM trip to the ER for what turned out to be Croup. If you’ve never seen/heard of Croup, it’s absolutely terrifying. It comes on very quickly and causes a cough which sounds like a seal bark, along with gasping for air and all around can’t breatheingness. So we get to the ER, I’m freaking the hell out, the baby is bawling because he can’t get air, and the nurses are like, “Oh, it’s just Croup, all those kids over there have it too. Here’s some cold juice.” Uhh, come again? What was that? My child can’t breathe and you’re telling me cold apple juice is the answer? Yes, yes that’s right. He just needed to have something cold on his throat. Croup basically just causes airway inflammation, so when cold juice/popsicle/cold air reaches the throat, the inflammation goes down and lets him breathe normally. Oh, and its super common. Croup is a bitch.

Looks cute even in a hospital gown.
I'm still working full time, but luckilly I get to entrust Baby Dinosaur to the single most qualified person in the universe to care for him during the day, my bestie Angel. (You may remeber Angel from The Lizzard) She probably takes better care of him than I do. Seriously. She even threw him a mini birthday party with the other kiddos she watches. This was special because Big Dinosaur and I FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY. Parent test EPIC FAIL!! See, what had happened was... The Baby's birthday was on a Tuesday, and his massive birthday party was scheduled for the following Saturday. With all my concentration focused on planning the party, when his actually birthday rolled around, we completely overlooked it and treated it like any ol morning. Big Dinosaur got him up and dressed and went off to Angel's. When they arrived, Angel opened the door and said, "There's the Birthday Boy!!" and Big Dinosaur said, "Oh shit...." So he text me and let me know that we were the worlds worst parents and that we forgot our only childs first birthday. Angel and Morgan came to the rescue though, in a big way...

It's a PARTY, yo!!

Then, when the baby came home, we begged for his forgivness with more cake.

I think it turned out okay. Fingers crossed we don't forget again next year...


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