My Coworkers Want Me Dead

Just a quick note.  Seriously, I will have something cool for you....someday...very....soon...ish.  Kindof.

I walk into the break room today after lunch and there in the middle of the table are 5 packages of sting cheese.  FOR REAL Y'ALL! Someone was giving away STRING CHEESE!! I was totally stoked because, as some of you know, I really really love cheese.  A lot.  So I grab up 4 of them, because I didn't want to seem greedy,  and saunter back to my desk with my prize.

While on the way I pass by a coworker and say, "Hey, free sting cheese in the break room!!"  and hold up one of my sticks, so it looks like I only took one and I'm insinuating that I had left more than one.  Again, so I don't look greedy and/or fat.  She says, "Yeah, they've been there for three days..." What. The. Fuck. And nobody TOLD ME?! "Oh.  Well, if they're still there by the end of the day, I'm going to take the rest..."  Coworker just shrugs.  She doesn't even care about cheese.  What the hell kind of people am I working with?!


I get to my desk and "make it rain" string cheese sticks because....why wouldn't I...and quickly eat 3 of them.  Now, this is after lunch, mind you, so I wasn't actually hungry...I just FUCKING LOVE CHEESE.

Halfway through my fourth stick I notice some bold writing on the packaging, "MUST KEEP REFRIGERATED"

 Slowly my coworker's comments come floating back..."Yeah, they've been there for 3 days..." I stop mid-chew.  Slowly and heartbreakingly (Screw you spell check! That IS a word!) spit the remainder in the trash.  Holy shit, Batman.  These people want me dead.  They know my love for cheese...they knew I couldn't resist...they knew the cheese was ROTTEN!  Bitches.

As of yet, nothing has happened and I feel fine.  But just in case y'all don't hear from me after today, I want you to know why.  Hopefully I'll be talking to y'all soon!